Nov 19, 01:49 PM

The 2-Hour Hag

What is a 2-hour hag?

You see, there are these people. Mere mortals must camp out for hours – possibly even days – to get their new system. The two-hour hag, however, seems to be above it. They show up at the store 2 hours before opening, at the back of a huge line of weary overnighters, and demand a console. “They’re sold out? No way! I must find someone to bitch at!”

“They told me you had 16 on the phone this morning!” They scream at the poor sales associate. “Why does the sign say you have 20 when they have all been accounted for? I got here two hours before opening! This is horrible customer service! Let me talk to your manager! You can be sure I will call corporate about this! Give me your name!”

The bottom line:

It doesn’t matter what the store told you over the phone.
It doesn’t matter what the sign says on the door.
It doesn’t matter how cold you are, how long you have been waiting, or how sad your child will be if they don’t get one.

You got here only 2 hours early, when there are people in front of you who braved sub-zero temperatures, risked their lives, and faced who knows what else lurking in the darkness – to make sure that they got theirs.

So,

SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO HOME. When your kids get up, tell them that they won’t get their coveted Wii or PS3 for Christmas this year because their mommy or daddy is a failure at life; a nobody who believes that the world revolves around them, and that if they whine and scream enough, people will give them anything they want. I’m sorry, young Jimmy. Your parental unit is a disease upon this earth. Their only purpose in life? To bring misery and pain.

To whom do they bring it to? To hard working sales associates, who had to get up way early this morning so these weirdos could get their gaming fix. To dedicated gamers, who are willing to brave cold nights to feed their passion. To decent people all across the globe, who know that showing up two hours early and whining won’t get you anything in life.

-Jon
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